A friend of mine emailed me today asking for prayers. One of her friends and co-workers was killed by her husband on Friday last who then killed himself leaving two children behind. My immediate thoughts on reading the email were, of the children... Who would care for them? Did they witness their father kill their mother and them himself? What would become of them? My thoughts then turned to the woman who was shot and finally to her husband.
It's easy to feel compassion for the victims of this horrible incident, namely the mother and her two children. But we cannot forget there was a fourth victim, the father.
I think we often forget that the killer in these situations is also a victim. This in no way an attempt to excuse what this husband and father (or others like him) did, nor to diminish the evil of his action. Rather it is an attempt to remember that he must have been suffering greatly in some way to do such a thing. Even the cold-blooded psychopath didn't start out that way.
I do not suggest that this husband and father did not choose to do what he did. He chose to take the life of the mother of his children and then his own life. He chose to leave his children orphans. But he did not get to that choice "out of the blue."
We have no way of knowing what doors our own choices open and close to us. We have no means of answering all the "what ifs." We can only trust that we have made the best choice at a given time and that hopefully we will never be in a place where the only choice we feel we can make is death.
So, when reading the paper or listening to the news reports, remember that sometimes the perpetrator is also a victim-- maybe of circumstances, maybe of external force, maybe of his or her choices-- and try to have some compassion. Because we are all human and are capable of doing horrible things. And each of us can say, "there, but for the grace of God, go I."
It's easy to feel compassion for the victims of this horrible incident, namely the mother and her two children. But we cannot forget there was a fourth victim, the father.
I think we often forget that the killer in these situations is also a victim. This in no way an attempt to excuse what this husband and father (or others like him) did, nor to diminish the evil of his action. Rather it is an attempt to remember that he must have been suffering greatly in some way to do such a thing. Even the cold-blooded psychopath didn't start out that way.
I do not suggest that this husband and father did not choose to do what he did. He chose to take the life of the mother of his children and then his own life. He chose to leave his children orphans. But he did not get to that choice "out of the blue."
We have no way of knowing what doors our own choices open and close to us. We have no means of answering all the "what ifs." We can only trust that we have made the best choice at a given time and that hopefully we will never be in a place where the only choice we feel we can make is death.
So, when reading the paper or listening to the news reports, remember that sometimes the perpetrator is also a victim-- maybe of circumstances, maybe of external force, maybe of his or her choices-- and try to have some compassion. Because we are all human and are capable of doing horrible things. And each of us can say, "there, but for the grace of God, go I."
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